It's all pretty cool.

As you wait anxiously for your dorm decisions, please listen to my words of wisdom about the dorm-ing process. I’ve read your Facebook group. I’ve been amused by your repeated attempts to contact the housing office, who are probably now just witholding the room assignments out of spite.

The summer before college, there is little more exciting than finding out who your roommate is and where you are living. Among all the defining factors of your college experience, these two seem to be the most important. I remember the day my housing information came, and all of the swelling excitement that arose within me as I opened my housing assignment.

And I remember being totally disappointed, and then later realizing all my first impressions were totally wrong.

Two years ago, I (much like you) wanted to have the BEST TIME EVER at college. And I tied having the BEST TIME EVER to being in the BEST DORM EVER which was, obviously, Bobb. And as I scrolled down the page to find my dorm assignment read, for all intensive purposes, “NOT BOBB 0326,” I was crushed. Immediately I began a Facebook stalking frenzy of my roommate, analyzing every picture, favorite TV show, and wall post, mentally analyzing what we would talk about and do together. I discovered this nerdy kid who was majoring in SESP or something equally lame (so I thought) and I became a puddle of sad, disappointed, moping sadness.

One of my friends videotaped his initial facebook stalking of his freshman roommate, counting on it being a really salient point in his life. Well, it was. His initial impression– this horrified, aghast facial expression and subsequent curse words– correlated highly with his roommate relationship throughout the year.

I spent the rest of the summer refreshing my dorm’s Facebook group, friending everyone I could find on my hall, and figuring out who my future friends would be. I pinned one girl down as my new bestie forever, and it turned out I talked to her maybe twice the whole year. My roommate turned out to be pretty chill, most of the time, and a hilarious drunk. Best of all, I still went out at least three nights a week, and usually more — all this from a skanky gross random-ass south campus dorm.

My point is: finding out where you will live is exciting, as is stalking your future roommate. But don’t get caught up in what your dorm and your roommate will mean to the “fun factor” of your freshman year. You make your own entertainment. There are some fucking boring people in Elder, and some ridiculously awesome people down south. And vice versa. A friend who’s an incoming freshman messaged me the other day worrying that she wouldn’t get into her top two choices. For future reference, her top five were:

1. Bobb/McCulloch
2. Elder
3. Allison
4. PARC
5. CRC

Once she hit spot number four she said “I just gave up and put down random dorms because I don’t know anything about NU dorms but now I hear PARC is terrible and I might as well give up any thoughts of ever having sex if I live there.”

So yes, young freshman friend, you will probably end up in PARC or CRC because few freshman actually want to live there so they snap up anyone that marks them down. No comment as to the awesomeness of those dorms (I have never met anyone who lived in PARC, and I have strong opinions about CRC), but guess what, freshman?

You’ll fucking survive, so get over it. Yes, Bobb and Elder and Allison and blah blah blah are fun dorms. But no matter where you live, if you want to go out, you will find people to go out with, and no matter what people say, your roommate does not make your social life. Stalk all you want, but in the grand scheme of things the time you spend analyzing pictures on the internet means nothing. Have fun! Don’t tie yourself down to some misconceived misconception of your dorm.

Love,
Sloane (and Franny G.)

Yeah, this doesn't really happen at Northwestern. Or at any college I've been to.

Drinking in the dorm is quick, easy, and a potentially huge risk, depending on where you live. Stereotypical “partying” dorm? (Bobb, Elder, Allison, Willard, etc.) You’ll probably make it out okay, but no matter where you live most in-dorm parties are marked by general paranoia and overall sketchiness following the golden rule small is better. Don’t live in the dorm? Don’t know the host? Don’t count on getting in.

Dorm parties are a staple of colleges lacking a bar scene and Greek life, but far less common at Northwestern. The occasional “floor party” does crop up, usually catered to the freshman crowd. For most students, drinking in the dorms is reserved for pre-gaming or really boring Tuesday nights. Unfortunately, when you’re just making a name on the NU scene, there will be many nights you’ll find yourself playing Kings in a dorm room, crossing your finger that knock wasn’t the douchebag CA making rounds.

(The higher the score, the better)

Availability of liquor: There is really no generalization for how much liquor is going to be at a dorm party, but the chances of getting more than a few beers and a bunch of shots isn’t that high, if this is a legitimate “party” in your dorm, and it’s not just you, me, and a handle of Smirnoff to kill. Which, by the way, does not qualify as a dorm party. While occasionally (ed. — almost always) enjoyable, that qualifies you as a practicing alcoholic. If you’re wandering around Bobb after hearing of that “super cool” party on the third floor, chances are great you will get no liquor. Promise. Score: 3

Chances of hooking up: Dorm parties tend to be the first stop on a series of destinations, so most people aren’t looking to settle down quite yet. Plus do you really want to be reminded of the time you hooked up with I-have-a-slight-beer-belly every time they walk to the bathroom? Not only does hooking up at a dorm party rarely happen, but its rarely a good idea/ Score: 3

Chances of getting in: There’s really no way to not get in to a dorm party, unless there are already 30 people in the room, or you don’t live in the dorm and don’t know anyone in the dorm to sign you in. Which would raise the question…why the fuck are you trying to get in anyways? Access, in general, is not an issue. Score: 8

Location convenience: If the party is in your dorm, you literally don’t have to go anywhere. Such a convenient party, though, is almost inconvenient…isn’t the whole point of going out to go out??? It may be close, but if you judge your parties solely on close, you are missing the fuck out. Score: 10, but in a bad way.

Chances of getting busted: If you are attending a legitimately advertised dorm party, you probably will get caught and written up by a CA, unless you plan it and execute it really smartly, in which case it probably wasn’t a fun party anyways. Getting written up isn’t such a huge deal, and it usually makes a good story, but it does kind of put a damper on your night. Score: 9

- Franny G.

Nights at Sigma Chi used to be a lot more interesting.

When all other colleges have already commenced and Northwestern students linger/languish across the country waiting for school to fucking start already, the prefrosh will inevitably receive a series of irritating calls from their friends who are already at college detailing the “sick frat parties” they went to last night. By the time new student week rolls around (around the time when most colleges have Fall Break), freshman are practically peeing their pants in anticipation of visiting “Frat Row”

And even though NU has more of a “Frat scramble” with its disjointed series of scattered quads, the experience doesn’t necessarily disappoint, especially if you know what you are doing/are good at faking it.

While Freshman Freeze is in effect for the first couple weeks of school and technically bans freshman from entering Greek houses, the rule is pretty easily broken and ignored. Afterward the first three weeks building a web of deceit and lies (“I’m a sophomore, I swear!”) the freshmen are allowed to swarm the houses.

That is when the dance parties begin. That is not what we’re talking about; this applies to honest-to-god frat keggers where the brothers escort you upstairs while peeking out the front door to make sure there aren’t cops. Dance parties suck universally. No one wants to go to a dance party, they just end up there, drunk and horny.

Availability of liquor: If you are some rando and you don’t know anyone at the frat, you might end up having an AA-worthy sober night, even if you do pre-game. Bottom line is, you generally need to know somebody who knows somebody or be a really cool looking guy or a hot looking girl if you are going to drink at a frat party. There are lots of exceptions, like sketchy two-story (as opposed to 4-story) frats that are enthusiastic about jungle juice, jager bombs, and ice luge shots for all, but these everyone’s-welcome parties aren’t as common as the ones where to get upstairs (and access alcohol) you need to be in the know. In short, if you can get in, you’re set. Score: 6

Chances of hooking up: High. Frats are basically scientifically designed incubators for sex, with precisely the right ratios of freely flowing beer, dimly lit hallways, and dark rooms resplendent with beds and futons. Everyone is trying to impress, and if you want, you can probably find a guaranteed hookup at most frat parties. Granted, you might have to lower your standards, but this is Northwestern. Get used to it. Score: 7.5

Chances of getting in: This varies by person and by party. At cooler, more selective frats, you might need to know someone or look outrageously cool/hot to even get inside, especially during the beginning of the year, when freshmen mill around the frat quad like a crowd of lost orphans hungry for porridge. Generally, though, if you look semi-cute, aren’t wearing any unfortunate sweatshirt/suspender combinations, and aren’t part of a large and callow looking group, you can gain access to any frat, even if its by just following in some other people. All in all though, its best to know people, so make connections early, get phone numbers, and practice the phrase “Oh, it’s okay, I know John, let me in.” Score: 4

Annoyingness factor: Depending on the frat, there is a full spectrum of extra-douche to so nice and undouchey you are perturbed, creeped out, and have to vacate the premise because if one more guy who was without a question on his high school debate team tells you your dress looks nice and offers you a drink, you might vomit. So try ‘em all and find what you like best. As for the girls you may encounter, watch this video. If it makes you want to gouge your eyes out, frat parties may not be your best bet. Score: 5

Location convenience: High. Even for south campus dwellers, the frat quads are a mere 10 minute drunken stumble or a quick 2 minute blip if you can catch a bus. And for the blessed inhabitants of North Campus, the frats are quite literally in your backyard. Score: 9

Chances of getting busted: While there’s always a chance the frat might get in trouble later for their partying, the chances of you having to stop consuming alcohol because of the police or administration is pretty minimal. Score: 2

-Franny G.