Yeah, this doesn't really happen at Northwestern. Or at any college I've been to.

Drinking in the dorm is quick, easy, and a potentially huge risk, depending on where you live. Stereotypical “partying” dorm? (Bobb, Elder, Allison, Willard, etc.) You’ll probably make it out okay, but no matter where you live most in-dorm parties are marked by general paranoia and overall sketchiness following the golden rule small is better. Don’t live in the dorm? Don’t know the host? Don’t count on getting in.

Dorm parties are a staple of colleges lacking a bar scene and Greek life, but far less common at Northwestern. The occasional “floor party” does crop up, usually catered to the freshman crowd. For most students, drinking in the dorms is reserved for pre-gaming or really boring Tuesday nights. Unfortunately, when you’re just making a name on the NU scene, there will be many nights you’ll find yourself playing Kings in a dorm room, crossing your finger that knock wasn’t the douchebag CA making rounds.

(The higher the score, the better)

Availability of liquor: There is really no generalization for how much liquor is going to be at a dorm party, but the chances of getting more than a few beers and a bunch of shots isn’t that high, if this is a legitimate “party” in your dorm, and it’s not just you, me, and a handle of Smirnoff to kill. Which, by the way, does not qualify as a dorm party. While occasionally (ed. — almost always) enjoyable, that qualifies you as a practicing alcoholic. If you’re wandering around Bobb after hearing of that “super cool” party on the third floor, chances are great you will get no liquor. Promise. Score: 3

Chances of hooking up: Dorm parties tend to be the first stop on a series of destinations, so most people aren’t looking to settle down quite yet. Plus do you really want to be reminded of the time you hooked up with I-have-a-slight-beer-belly every time they walk to the bathroom? Not only does hooking up at a dorm party rarely happen, but its rarely a good idea/ Score: 3

Chances of getting in: There’s really no way to not get in to a dorm party, unless there are already 30 people in the room, or you don’t live in the dorm and don’t know anyone in the dorm to sign you in. Which would raise the question…why the fuck are you trying to get in anyways? Access, in general, is not an issue. Score: 8

Location convenience: If the party is in your dorm, you literally don’t have to go anywhere. Such a convenient party, though, is almost inconvenient…isn’t the whole point of going out to go out??? It may be close, but if you judge your parties solely on close, you are missing the fuck out. Score: 10, but in a bad way.

Chances of getting busted: If you are attending a legitimately advertised dorm party, you probably will get caught and written up by a CA, unless you plan it and execute it really smartly, in which case it probably wasn’t a fun party anyways. Getting written up isn’t such a huge deal, and it usually makes a good story, but it does kind of put a damper on your night. Score: 9

- Franny G.