This is you in several months, freshmen.

A few months into my freshman year at Northwestern, I found myself posing against a white brick wall in a skanky, dimly lit hallway of one of Northwestern’s sketchier dorm– snap, my picture was taken, and a few weeks later, I was handed a shoddy rectangle of plastic emblazoned with my name and picture. The edges were rough and uneven and there weren’t any holograms– isn’t that the first thing they check for?? I looked back up at the kid with the hook-up with my seriously? expression all over my face. This is what I just paid half my month’s budget for?

Back at home, even the future freshman with years of drinking experience probably don’t have or need a fake ID. Older brothers, sketchy co-workers, and parents’ well-stocked liquor cabinets provide. Even cute Lodge or DU destined prospies get a little wide-eyed when their host suggests that they come with them to The Keg, offering to pass back their true and trusted fake.

Enter the Northwestern social scene. Evanston and Chicago bars are the places to be, and the the start of the end of the best nights at NU will probably occur at these fine locations. So if you don’t have a fake ID, or a horde of ID-equipped friends willing to pass back to you, you better get hooked up soon, especially if you are looking to go Greek.

Luckily, even the shittiest IDs work on campus. The Indian guy behind the counter at your new Liquor-fountain, EV1, is always going to give you that I-can’t-you-get-away-with-this look when he hands you back your fake, but every Thursday he still double bags your Grey Goose and Hypnotiq Karkov and Captain’s. And the “We Card Hard” stickers pasted outside The Keg and the rumored-soon-to-close Hundo? Might as well read “We Card Like Limp Dick”. I’ve never had my super obvious fake turned down, even at semi-classy establishments like The Celtic Knot (good drinks) or the quasi-Chicago staple, Mark II Lounge aka The Deuce (bad pizza/good times). There’s even a legend that someone has gotten into The Keg using a NU Wildcard with a fake date of birth added. But seriously, just put forward that $150 bucks. Yeah, it’ll just mean you’ll spend more money on alcohol and have even worse hangovers, but it’s so worth it. And if you are the cool kid who already has one Wildcat Welcome Week? Northwestern will give you a fiiine welcome to the wonderful institution of learning and higher education we call home.

–Franny G.