PHAIYE BLAOUNT

Profile picture #2, after "Phaiye" deleted the illicitly obtained previous profile pic.

Ms. Blaount strikes fear in the hearts of young pre-frosh everywhere. “The class of 2012 has an inside joke already,” they say, giggling at their comradeship. Now they have a name to throw around when they’re awkwardly meeting people at the Sargent lunch tables: “Hey, remember Phaiye Blaount? We outed her! Aren’t we so cool?” Just like the class of 2011 before them and their obsession with a certain blonde theater major who may or may not have friended every member of the class before them, the class of 2012 has already begun bonding. How quaint.

It’s not as if I enjoy mocking the wee ones who will soon invade our campus. I was once one of them, joining a Facebook group, writing wall posts and giggling over cute boys who will live in my hall (who were not actually that cute and played GTA all the fucking time). But then along came LS for NBN and Lauren Cohn, and shit hit the fan. Suddenly, the class of 2012 was not just a bunch of future NU kids, but fucking detectives. Detectives who believe:

• that Mary Desler actually cares about their Facebook profiles, takes time to check them all in detail, and will kick them out of schools if she sees any indications they know what alcohol is.
• that the NU administration is actively taking time to create detailed Facebook profiles and respond to hundreds of wall posts with a detailed alibi about the imaginary person’s assumed life.

Lauren Cohn’s true identity is up in the air. Maybe it was a failed attempt by the administration to put one foot in the Facebook battle arena. But after the Cohn explosion, I’d imagine they’d carefully reconsider their stance on fake Facebook profiling before jumping right back in.

Hey, but at least “We have already made RumorRoyalty for this whole Phaiye scandal….and we haven’t even gotten on campus yet.” Which is apparently their only goal in life. Notoreity before fame before anyone gives a shit about you.

-Sloane